The Gozzle

To my daughter, Davina

The Gozzle

In a land better known for its mouldy old cheese
lived the ugliest Gozzle that you've ever seen.
For breakfast his dining was fore-warned by a sneeze
that resembled a huricane much more than a breeze.

While most would be startled at that thought that a snake
might go well with an egg-nog. Well not before eight!
But the Gozzle is known for its unusual gait
which was caused by him gorging on poisonous snakes.

(Adders and pythons are best eaten raw
with a dark rich sauce made of puppy dog paws
and a salad of ivy, garnished with ants,
but he has to be careful they don't get up his pants)

Not known for its manners the Gozzle would belch
with a noise so disgusting it would sound like the squelsh
of toads under foot (as he treads through the wood)
which he eats for desert, and with cream if he could.

"Oh bother, oh darn, oh curse" he would say
If he ever was caught in the middle of the day
without any frogs legs or snails to eat.
A very nice snack, for a Gozzle repleat.

But don't be mistaken, he would hate you to think
that his diet, though different, would make his breath stink.
Though bathing on Mondays, (the first of each month)
was a chore not enjoyed by this ugliest hunk.

Crashing and bashing his way through the trees.
Mumbling and grumbling when stung by the bees
which he munched like peanuts, removing their wings
and devoured the rest. Yes even their stings.

Not honey, not berries, no dandelion stew
but adders and rodents, (to mention a few)
made dinner a pleasure for the Gozzle. It's true.!
Well I wouldn't eat them of course. Would you?

Copyright. Greg Barlow. December 1994.

The King of Peru

I guess that you have to be over 60 to remember A.A. Milne and his incredible Winnie the Pooh series of books.
One of the series was called "Now We are Six" and was written I believe, in 1927.
This was one of the poems from that book. No wonder I grew up to be an accountant.

The Emperor's Rhyme, by A.A. Milne

The King of Peru (who was Emperor too)
Had a sort of a rhyme which was useful to know,
If he felt very shy when a stranger came by
Or they asked him the time when his watch didn't go;
Or supposing he fell (by mistake) down a well,
Or he tumbled when skating and sat on his hat,
Or perhaps wasn't told till his porridge was cold,
That his breakfast was waiting - or something like that;

Oh, whenever the Emperor got in to a temper, or felt himself sulky or sad,
He would murmer and murmer, until he felt firmer, this curious rhyme which he had:

Eight eights are sixty-four, multiply by seven.
When it's done, carry one
And take away eleven.
Nine nines are eighty-one multiply by three,
If it's more carry four,
And then it's time for tea.

So whenever the queen took his armour to clean,
And she didn't remember to use any starch;
Or his birthday (in May) was a horrible day,
Being wet as November and windy as March;
Or, if sitting in state with the Wise and the Great
He just happened to hiccup while signing his name,
Or the Queen gave a cough, when his crown tumbled off
As he bent down to pick up a pen for the same;

Oh, whenever the Emperor got into a temper or felt himself awkward and shy,
He would whisper and whisper, until he felt crisper, this little odd rhyme to the sky;

Eight eights are eighty-one multiply by seven
If it's more carry four
And take away eleven.
Nine nines are sixty-four; multiply by three.
When it's done, carry one,
And then it's time for tea.

by A.A. Milne
from the book "Now We Are Six"
Sept. 1927

What did Charlie Sheen mean?

For those of us non-Americans living outside the U.S., 9/11 always had too many questions even at 10am on 10/11.
But Charlie Sheen is walking on egg-shells in my opinion.
Living 15,000km away, I wouldn't be game to say 1/2 the things that he's intimating.
I remember an employee of ours said to me the next morning - "don't believe it sir, it's all about oil".

Was he right?
Will we ever know?
Is there a conspiracy?
Will Charlie get his way?

I love that guy. He's a great actor and he's got two of them to even get this far.
I just hope and pray that he doesn't have an "accident" before he goes any further.
It's been 2 months since the "letter" and I can't see any follow up anywhere.
Is it a dead duck already?
Not Charlie. I mean the letter.